Walk! Cycle! And………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

……………………………………………. SWIM? Well maybe! Let’s see if it works.

To shew out of the water, four parts of the Body


Looks fun! Me wanna some of that fun! You see, the thing with walking and cycling is that neither of them are swimming and swimming is fun so that is a problem because fun is fun! Who wouldn’t want more fun in their life? What kind of joyless person only wants to reduce everything to some sort of depressing string of practical tasks and rational decisions based on monetary concerns rather than human emotions, social relations or compassion. Surely such a person would sink to the bottom of society completely unable to relate and profit with in a communal environment that requires cooperation! The kind of world in which a person like that would succeed would be a complete hellhole…



Theresa May has introduced new plans to ban the recreational use of laughing gas by 2016! Plans to ban both laughing and recreation completely are in the pipe line for 2017!

 But we haven’t all had our humanity sucked out by a privately funded Eton educated straw just yet. Some of us want to swim. But if you swim you really got to be careful. Many of us in the North Devon area do not live close to a municipal swimming pool. So many may be tempted to get their own swimming pool and build it themselves with their own to hands and a spade and a hose but HOLD ON THEIR PARTNER!


WHOA! WHOA THERE BOY! They weren’t lying about horse riding being more dangerous than ecstasy. Its enough to make any sane person think we need evidence based drug policy THERESA!

You need to take it a little easier. You need to slow down a few steps. You need to shut your STUPID mouth and listen for once. You need a proper, safe, and professionally made swimming pool. That is what I did. I got a proper pool with a Paramount Swimming Pool Safety Cover (PSPSC). Beause, funnily enough, when trying to make something safer you trust and follow the advice of people who know far more about it than you because you assume that you are more likely to have opinions based on prejudice than study. A proper swimming pool cover means that when the cover is on a child can wonder out into the garden and fall into the pool and will not die, will not suffer, and will never feel pain again. Which is pretty good.


Then your babies will never die. And through them, you will live forever.



Seclusion and Its Downsides.

There are many upsides to living in Devon, it is arguably the most beautiful part of an often beautiful country. Many of our fellow Devonian’s believe that there is no real reason to ever leave Devon. It’s rolling hills and sandy beaches make it such an incredible place to live. Why would you go anywhere else? Why would you go up to the lake district when you could wonder over Dartmoor on your doorstep. Why trek over to Cornwall when Devon has the cleanest beaches in the country? Why go up north for food and produce when Devon’s beef, pork, cheese and mead rivals any region in the world? We have it all here in Devon. And that is only one of the reasons it is such a great place to live.



Sometimes, though, something really catches your eye, and you just have to leave Devon. And last weekend, something really grabbed my eye. Something really caught my eye. You see, I’m a sucker for nostalgia me, I love looking back with the rose tinted glasses that only time can give. The perennial dissatisfaction of modern life, built as it is on the impossible promises of advertising and the equal impossibility of product induced happiness, means we can’t help but idealize the past. I’ve lived long enough now to live through an era, and remember how shit everyone said it was compared to previous eras, and then slowly see said era become retrospectively mythologized and aggrandized out of all reality. I was on youtube recently and saw under a Back Street Boys video that said ‘God, I remember when music used to be real like this, about real emotions. Not like all this Justin Bieber nonsense’.  The BackStreet boys! I mean hey, I like ‘Everybody’ as much as the next man, but I don’t really see it as morally or culturally superior to any other major pop act, and I do not feel that my dissatisfaction with life is due to their demise.

To reiterate: The absence of The Backstreet Boys from the Musical landscape is no the cause of your sense of dissatisfaction with the emotionless meritocracy of life.

But I fell for it recently, I fell for it when I heard that Echo and The Bunny Men where headlining a free festival with the Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra in, wait for it, Liverpool! This meant leaving Devon, and this meant getting to Liverpool, an expense I was not to keen on. I made quite a few savings though, I decided to fly up in the end and used a pretty sweet flight comparison site, and also found a great Airport parking at Liverpool comparison thing that took another chunk out of the potential money pile I was going to have to spend. And, it was worth it.


It was a great show McCulloch was on great form, for a man known for not often being in particularly great form. The set grew through out and then, for me, really exploded into life in the encore. On the climax of Ocean Rain at the end fireworks exploded unexpectedly from behind the stage and there where no individuals left in the whole of Sefton Park. We were all together and united as one for one beautiful musical moment. It was beautiful and powerful.

And definitely worth the trip.

If You Want To Walk Or Cycle In Something It Has To Exist

I’m going to show you two pictures of two places. You tell me in which place you’d rather walk or cycle. 1 or 2.

  1. images (1)
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Is it number 1? With its rolling hills and thick luscious green grass? With its big blue skies and wonderful sunshine? Or number 2, where there is nothing? Well, my answer is number 1. And that brings me conveniently to this weeks topic:


Well, that is true. We are also all going to suffer greatly at the hands of anthropogenic climate change which will eventually bring upon the human race the karmic apocalypse it is long overdue. As a collective we are pushing the environmental features on which we as a species have evolved on and depend upon for survival to the edge. Some time soon we could all well face the consequences of our own recklessness. It will not be quick though. It will pull through the world population like a scouring pad on an old pan thick with grease, picking up a little more every time. The rich will last the longest. They will quarantine themselves away in literal bubbles. Will North Devon be the part of the world they will make their bubbles? Maybe, maybe not.

If we want to preserve North Devon and preserve this world we live in we need to do things to save the environment. I’m doing my bit by getting a wood pellet burner (I got a cheap supply of wood pellets from Liverpool Wood Pellets, they deliver!) and i’m using that to warm my house and heat my kids this winter. Because I care. Do you care? Do you actually care? Do you? Do you care? Well it is time to show it.

Show it.

Go on.

The world and the people of the world, both present and future, need you to care. It is time. Let us begin.

Real Walk.

What are you doing right now? Sitting in front of a computer? Staring at a screen? These screens are not your friend’s people. They do not bring us together. They set us apart. Like a bridge that stops two sides meeting, what was once a solution to separation is now its main cause.



‘I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.’

Yes we are separated, whilst we all stare at the same things, read the same things, absorb the same information and flitting news and culture, we are not united, we do not relate, we are together only as we relate only through the mediated nature of our reality.

“The status of celebrity offers the promise of being showered with ‘all good things’ that capitalism has to offer. The grotesque display of celebrity lives (and deaths) is the contemporary form of the cult of personality; those ‘famous for being famous’ hold out the spectacular promise of the complete erosion of a autonomously lived life in return for an apotheosis as an image. The ideological function of celebrity (and lottery systems) is clear – like a modern ‘wheel of fortune’ the message is ‘all is luck; some are rich, some are poor, that is the way the world is…it could be you!”  Guy Debord

And in this world of distance and separation we try to clamour back through the solitude with ever more cartoonish and false gasps for collective experience. Katy Perry destroys our self-esteem and then becomes the only source for validation in a world where happiness can no longer come from within. She is both McDonalds and the Diet Pills. She’s the bully and the therapy. And it’s not her fault.



I was going to put a picture of Katy Perry. But pictures of Katy Perry are kind of part of the problem. So here instead is a picture of earth from the moon, to remind us all how small and insignificant we are.

The world in which we attempt to suck joy from the internet, from the bridges and supports of our atomized, fragmented world, is a world and a life doomed to fail. You have joy inside yourself, or at least the potential for it. Walk and cycle! Walk and Cycle not to get fit and hot so you can catch people’s eyes and Instagram yourself, walk and cycle because they bring you joy, pure and real joy, joy that comes from inside and stays. Joy that doesn’t fade as soon as your tweet stops being read or whatever.  Joy that you give yourself.




Cycle! Cycling is fun, and in this part of the world especially it is beautiful. Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful!! Cycling makes your happy, it makes you strong. Or at least it can, for some. Don’t do it if it doesn’t bring you joy.



Attractive people! Stop allowing people to use your bodies to sell things and make people help themselves. It doesn’t matter how much you totally believe in world piece and vegan climate change organic homemade bread. You’re making the world a worse place by draping yourselves over products like a soulless dead-eyed rug made of disdain.

So go outside. Go and cycle. Go and walk. Go and breathe and talk. Leave your phone at home. Don’t take any pictures. Don’t write about it on Facebook, not even after. Have an experience that exists only as an experience. A real, direct, and shared experience.

Make that experience walking, and cycling in North Devon.